Random access memories
Posted 05/09/2007 08:35:00 by i am vans
Chances are, if you're reading this you own a computer, or have access to one in some seedy internet cafe. If not, then I can only assume that someone printed out this awful diatribe and handed it to you, possibly in lieu of some badly needed toilet tissue. But all nonsense aside, if you know much about computers then certainly you have heard of RAM. RAM is the abbreviated nomenclature for Random Access Memory. Consider that the hard drive of your computer is akin to the storage depots for information located in your brain, and RAM is much like the areas of the brain which sift through that storage to locate filed information. Computers were modeled after the human brain more or less, and when you hear engineers and programmers speak of "neural nets" or "artificial intelligence", they are referring to the evolution of a species. If you are one of those who believe that God created man in his own image, then this is just a subset of that same philosophy, once removed.
I activated the random access memory in my cranium to obtain files from last year's pool party. As an entire year has gone by, I thought that perhaps certain files might be missing or corrupted. A lot happens in a year, and in a year of skateboarding, you can multiply that by tenfold or more. These files could easily have been altered or filtered through any number of corrupt synaptic pathways, much like those stories that keep changing every time a new person tells them. I have a theory on this, perhaps each new person who repurposes a story they re-tell is simply looking to embellish it for personal gain. Let's face it though, some stories are best on their initial telling, any added detail or invented scenarios only serve to water down the impact of the actual event. That said, here are some of the 2006 Pool Party files I was able to dig up, and I present them in the most unadulterated form possible. Compare them to what you've heard and test my theory, please.
Dark Horse Josh Borden not only cracking into the pro ranks but the finals as well and handling 8th place with an ease and finesse well beyond his 17 years on this earth. To step into that maelstrom as a young am and take down a lot of the top pros took confidence and guts, and Josh had a surplus of both under his belt.
Duane Peters' practice for last year consisted of dropping by the Combi maybe twice a week to take 2 or 3 runs at most, then ditching out to hit the recording studio. On the day of the event, DP skated like a man possessed, with a double compound fracture in his foot, a huge bleeding gash in his forearm, and took 8th in a tough masters' field.
13 year old Julie Kindstrand entered the Women's division and proved beyond a doubt that CaraBeth, Mimi, Heidi, Nicole, and the rest of the women will have someone to pass the torch to, down the road.
Steve Caballero and Lance Mountain used to perform death-defying doubles routines in the original Upland Combi. Perhaps they were living on borrowed time, or had expended the last of their dual flow karma. Whatever the case, these two freight trains collided at full speed, head on and somehow both survived with minimal damage. The fact that one of Lance's shoes came to rest nearly 30 feet from the point of impact should tell you something. Tense moments followed, but these guys are too tough to stay down, and both continued on in the final jam.
Tony Magnusson, or perhaps a comical T-Mag impersonator made phone calls to each and every one of the masters' competitors, boasting of epic practice sessions and threatening to "wipe the floor of the bowl with you". Mag is well known for trying to get under people's skins in any way he can and the phone messages came as no big surprise. I know the true identity of the caller, but I'll never divulge it, unless of course a tabloid offers me a large disbursement check.
Will Powers decided that just rolling in wasn't enough. So midway through his heat, he clambered into the bleachers and bomb dropped into the round. Will is known for this sort of insanity, so it wasn't so much surprising as just plain crazy. Yeah, he made it.
Jimmy the Greek was on fire. His spontaneous backyard pool attack tactics carried over impressively to the Combi, and he shoed himself right into the finals. No pads, no helmet, no fear. Yes, he did include at least 2 of Neil Blender 's signature moves, in an all out hesh-eccentric onslaught. In a year without Trujillo, the Greek more than made up for TNT's absence.
Jeff Grosso was narrowly edged out by Chris Miller in the masters' final. Ask Grosso and he will tell you he stunk up the place, that he choked, sucked, and was horrible. That's just Jeff. Yeah, second place does suck. You're right, Jeff. Even still, I might be tempted to sell my soul to have a few of Mothra's moves under my belt.
During the pro final, Brian Patch, Omar Hassan, and Rune Glifberg pushed the limits of modern skateboarding about 8 miles past any pre-conceived expectations. All three of the guys had a legitimate shot at taking it down, and judging it must have been a nightmare. The good thing is, the judges did get it right, and anyone going back to review the final jam can see that Omar brought the pain and earned the win. More lines than anybody, power moves that made people hold their breath, and the fire burning in his eyes. There aren't enough superlatives to describe how epic his performance was.
That's all you'll get for the moment. Stick around though, we'll have the preliminary qualifier coverage coming fast and furious tomorrow, and I've just been notified of a few last-minute additions to the qualifier roster, wild cards that may create some serious chaos and shake up the results...
Keep your browser running and your eyes moving.
I activated the random access memory in my cranium to obtain files from last year's pool party. As an entire year has gone by, I thought that perhaps certain files might be missing or corrupted. A lot happens in a year, and in a year of skateboarding, you can multiply that by tenfold or more. These files could easily have been altered or filtered through any number of corrupt synaptic pathways, much like those stories that keep changing every time a new person tells them. I have a theory on this, perhaps each new person who repurposes a story they re-tell is simply looking to embellish it for personal gain. Let's face it though, some stories are best on their initial telling, any added detail or invented scenarios only serve to water down the impact of the actual event. That said, here are some of the 2006 Pool Party files I was able to dig up, and I present them in the most unadulterated form possible. Compare them to what you've heard and test my theory, please.
Dark Horse Josh Borden not only cracking into the pro ranks but the finals as well and handling 8th place with an ease and finesse well beyond his 17 years on this earth. To step into that maelstrom as a young am and take down a lot of the top pros took confidence and guts, and Josh had a surplus of both under his belt.
Duane Peters' practice for last year consisted of dropping by the Combi maybe twice a week to take 2 or 3 runs at most, then ditching out to hit the recording studio. On the day of the event, DP skated like a man possessed, with a double compound fracture in his foot, a huge bleeding gash in his forearm, and took 8th in a tough masters' field.
13 year old Julie Kindstrand entered the Women's division and proved beyond a doubt that CaraBeth, Mimi, Heidi, Nicole, and the rest of the women will have someone to pass the torch to, down the road.
Steve Caballero and Lance Mountain used to perform death-defying doubles routines in the original Upland Combi. Perhaps they were living on borrowed time, or had expended the last of their dual flow karma. Whatever the case, these two freight trains collided at full speed, head on and somehow both survived with minimal damage. The fact that one of Lance's shoes came to rest nearly 30 feet from the point of impact should tell you something. Tense moments followed, but these guys are too tough to stay down, and both continued on in the final jam.
Tony Magnusson, or perhaps a comical T-Mag impersonator made phone calls to each and every one of the masters' competitors, boasting of epic practice sessions and threatening to "wipe the floor of the bowl with you". Mag is well known for trying to get under people's skins in any way he can and the phone messages came as no big surprise. I know the true identity of the caller, but I'll never divulge it, unless of course a tabloid offers me a large disbursement check.
Will Powers decided that just rolling in wasn't enough. So midway through his heat, he clambered into the bleachers and bomb dropped into the round. Will is known for this sort of insanity, so it wasn't so much surprising as just plain crazy. Yeah, he made it.
Jimmy the Greek was on fire. His spontaneous backyard pool attack tactics carried over impressively to the Combi, and he shoed himself right into the finals. No pads, no helmet, no fear. Yes, he did include at least 2 of Neil Blender 's signature moves, in an all out hesh-eccentric onslaught. In a year without Trujillo, the Greek more than made up for TNT's absence.
Jeff Grosso was narrowly edged out by Chris Miller in the masters' final. Ask Grosso and he will tell you he stunk up the place, that he choked, sucked, and was horrible. That's just Jeff. Yeah, second place does suck. You're right, Jeff. Even still, I might be tempted to sell my soul to have a few of Mothra's moves under my belt.
During the pro final, Brian Patch, Omar Hassan, and Rune Glifberg pushed the limits of modern skateboarding about 8 miles past any pre-conceived expectations. All three of the guys had a legitimate shot at taking it down, and judging it must have been a nightmare. The good thing is, the judges did get it right, and anyone going back to review the final jam can see that Omar brought the pain and earned the win. More lines than anybody, power moves that made people hold their breath, and the fire burning in his eyes. There aren't enough superlatives to describe how epic his performance was.
That's all you'll get for the moment. Stick around though, we'll have the preliminary qualifier coverage coming fast and furious tomorrow, and I've just been notified of a few last-minute additions to the qualifier roster, wild cards that may create some serious chaos and shake up the results...
Keep your browser running and your eyes moving.